i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
