i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
