Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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