i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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