So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize