How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
