my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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