her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
