tell your sister to shave her snatch
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
