my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
bring money and cleavage
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Bring me that man meat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
