Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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