I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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