ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
