the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
