Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
