Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
