just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
