So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
