He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
