Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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