dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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