The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize