I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
