my sisters under your porch take her home
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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