so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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