Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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