Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
