Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
