The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Randomize
