he told me I talked like a deaf person
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
