Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
