There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
