whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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