Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
