No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
