worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
