broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
