too bad you live with your parents still
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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