need another drink. this is the easiest way
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
