She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
