im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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