I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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