4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
