It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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