i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
