got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
