I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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