I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
