I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
