She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
