So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
