i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
