I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
