I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
