at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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