all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
