You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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