operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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