"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think i got beer on your cat.
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