My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
