I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
